It seems like ages since I have felt this calm. I feel grounded in just being. Finally, there is an absence of anxiety in the blood running through my veins; there is a noticeable lack of what other times feels like liquid fire being ignited in my chest. Today, I notice the birds chirping; the lush plant material and ground coverings dripping in a symphony of greens; and the clouds hanging overhead, forming a hazy, protective barrier while letting the sun light the sky from behind them.
Nothing happened, but little pivots have unlocked this more peaceful place in me. Having another dream last night about a match in Haiti with a little boy makes me feel more steadfast and hopeful about our adoption process. News of continued, positive progress in a sick family member continues to lighten the load. 24 hours visiting with a dear friend this weekend, sharing deep conversation, two handfuls of tears, and helping each other work through some sorrows in our hearts truly felt like therapy. Then there is the new possibility of greatly altering my career path to combine my professional strengths and my soul’s calling to orphans…it is too premature to write here, but I may have such an opportunity, although I am not sure of the degree of involvement which will come to fruition…but there seems to be stirrings of newness, a shift to something more true after years of tribulations and patience.
This isn’t to say I expect an immediate, lightening-bolt change. I just sense some newness being prepared on my path. A newness, and a rightness: not an ethical or judgment-based rightness, but a truthfulness or divinity instead. I am feeling open to where the hardships have led me and where I was always supposed to go.
And for that, I am thankful today. I am lighter today. The world seems beautiful and my heart is unburdened for the first time in a long while. I hope you feel the same way today.