Not every day. Certainly not all day. But, I am getting my spark back. I am finding the fight in my soul again. I have energy. I am going to the track again to do 400m workouts before the sun comes up.
I am running 5ks. I am not running the fastest I’ve ever run, but I am not running the slowest either. But – regardless of speed – my self-talk is incredible. I find myself, in the last stretch of a race, feeling so beautiful and strong. I am saying, “I am powerful. Look what my body can do. Look what this body, the one that was torn up over four miscarriages…torn up over the fluctuation of too many hormones over several years…torn up over one 4-day hospital stay where I was hooked up to morphine that didn’t penetrate any pain centers while I experienced labor pains without a reward…look what this brave, beautiful body is doing today.”
I am letting you all in. Tears are streaming down my face as I write this. There is so much pain locked away, but dammit it if I don’t recover. I am going to throw it all back. I am going to help people whom experience these horrific surprises in life. I was down for a long time, and I am still fighting. Here I am, coming up for air, over and over again as the days go by.
I know a lot of people stumble upon this blog after their own struggles – many being diagnosed with some type of infertility and, often, too many miscarriages. Please let this post soak in: there is “the other side” of this pain. You will get there. You will get your fight back. Keep going and kick ass.
Stealing Nectar 
“Keep going and kick ass” – wonderful words of advice! I don’t think it matters where you are in your individual unexpected journey with infertility and loss, what matters is that we do get through it! You and I, we are living proof that we can get through!
Also, I am so proud of you for getting your life back! Some days its a bit more of a fight, but honestly, I love that it’s coming easier for me with each passing day, and it sounds like it is for your as well!
Thank you, sweet warrior. 🙂
Oh my gosh, I absolutely loved reading this post, every single word! You go girl. I’m so glad you’re coming out on the other side. It gives me so much hope that one day it will be me writing this same type of post. Rock on, my friend!
This mean so much to me! Have faith! You will get there! You are so glittery and you will feel it again sooner than later! Rock on! Love.
Go you!! Awesome and inspiring!
I am so glad you liked it! Yay! We will all get there!
Totally uplifting: physically and mentally gorgeous. I second theskyandback – rock on xx
Rock on to you too! Xx I salute you and your journey.
Go girl! And quite aside from anything else, I’m well impressed with the abs! 🙂
Okay, so the funny thing is I actually thought I deleted this photo (I did from the post) and then it showed up still linked on the WordPress post. That’s okay. It must have been destiny. It’s all part of my journey…the thumb ring is a tribute to my son, Adam Gabriel, so I love the symbolism of my newfound energy linked with my love for him. 🙂
Yeah, the WordPress publisher randomly adds pictures you’ve deleted I’ve found! I have a few random ones floating about!
Love the name Adam Gabriel. The first man and the angel! 🙂
Aww…exactly, you totally nailed it. My first son and and my angel. Thank you. So sweet. My post about my journey with him is under Swimsuit Palooza (Aug 2013) if you want to read.
I will look it up! Look forward to reading it.
Oh gosh, I’m sorry if that came across inappropriately. I didn’t know. I’m so sorry. x
I don’t know what you mean honestly. Nothing came across inappropriately. Smooch.