I know at this point I am looking for the irony in my life, but yesterday provided more fodder. I rarely get a phone call from my adoption agency, so yesterday I picked up right away when I saw the number on the screen. Could this be good news, I thought?
No. Let that sink in: No. Of course not.
I usually try to stay positive, but I also try to be very human and truthful in my writing. Yesterday was not a day that was supposed to be full of happy tears and joy for me. The foreshadowing of that occurred many months ago, though, didn’t it?
On my due date of my last lost, my adoption agency wanted to remind me that we are getting close to needing to update some of our paperwork (fingerprints, U.S. orphan adoption approval, and our homestudy). So, on the day I am reminded already that I am still waiting to parent a child, my agency reminds me further that, yes, I have been waiting so long with no news that it is time to spend more time and money to wait on a process they can tell me nothing about for an indefinite number of months. Basically, “Redo steps A, B, and C and you might not need to redo step D…unless we can’t get our job done by X month. Then, you will have to redo A, B, C, and D on a new form and…” cross your fingers, wiggle your toes, blow milk bubbles out of your nose…and hope for the best.
I’ve talked about my sick pup a number of times, as well, and – just to make sure I didn’t feel like trying to sneak any more positivity into my life – I was up with Hollywood most of the night, comforting him and cleaning up after his sickness. I hate even typing that because I think talking about sick animals is the most disgusting, boring topic ever, but it just fits in oh so well with my day. It was almost as if the universe was telling me not to forget to crumble a little – just for a moment – while I was trying so hard to stay positive.
Frankly, I think I did okay, but – no – the irony was not completely lost on me. I still felt sorry for myself a little bit (which is obvious if you are still reading this). Is that self-compassion or narcissm? I think a little of both. But I am done dwelling on it. I just wanted to stop, just long enough, to shake my proverbial head and share how perfectly wrong my life feels in certain moments.
Cheers to making today a different kind of day! On that note, at least we crammed a bunch of “ick” into one day so as not to ruin the next….Today, I will start anew with positivity and joy! Here’s my finicky, wild pup feeling a billion times better, starting off fresh today as well!