Adoption for Dummies

My husband and I have decided it is time to steal a little more nectar for our corner of this world. We have been actively trying to naturally make one of those precious joys people call babies, but we are still not pregnant again. I think I know the reason for this. I imagine our tiny cells screaming at each other, working hard not to merge because, in their magnificent memories – handed down millions of generations by now – they remember the horrific outcome of this summer with losing our sweet Adam Gabriel. As our patience dwindles with every confusing temperature charted, proactive pill swallowed, and guilt-laden glass of wine finished, we have committed ourselves to kicking patience and fate square in the nuts and moving right passed.

This move is called adoption. In our case it will be international, and will take place in Haiti. We don’t know when, we hardly know how, but we are diving anyway. We need Adoption for Dummies (and a quick Google search showed me that the book does exist – lucky us!), but we are quickly realizing, so do many of our friends. We all don’t know the right terminology or every detail of the process, but I still find myself a little defensive when I have to remind someone that there is quite a good chance my adopted child will NOT be a drug addict or serial killer, or that I don’t get to pick my child like I picked my designer dog, Hollywood. I am not going through glossy magazine photos and saying, “Oh that one looks cute! I think I will just surrender myself to months of paperwork, years of waiting, and heavy financial commitment because, you know – that little one will look PERFECT in the family holiday photo!” 

I could say a lot more, but this following article featured in the Huffington Post does a pretty good job summing up what I have been thinking about lately. Many of these don’t apply to me and my husband (yet), but – surprisingly – quite a few do. I don’t expect anyone to be perfect; I am certainly not. But, there seems to be so much confusion with international adoption that I thought it might help to provide this short article so that people stop forgetting we are not simply selecting a toothpaste or losing our minds (entirely). Loving questions welcome. Narrow-minded opinions, stories, or advice are not.