International Adoption Hold

It’s been a while since I have posted about the adoption, so this may be a bit of a dry post, but I wanted to give you all an update. It’s officially been 2.5 years in process and, by the end of August, our dossier will have been registered in Haiti for over 2 years. We have never received an official referral in that time. We’ve watched friends lose multiple matches, and others even lose the lives of their sometimes legal children while they wait for the rest of the paperwork to be finalized so they can come to the U.S. To state what probably seems obvious, this process hasn’t gone according to anybody’s plan. It’s been a test of patience, incredibly sad, and harrowing. Because of all of this and Zika concerns, we have decided to put the adoption on hold.

We have told our agency that we’d like our paperwork held until December. This means it will stay in its place, but no one will be working on a match for us for the next several months. We will decide at that time whether a) we need more time to bond and breastfeed our biological son, holding our paperwork for longer, b) if we will ask them to proceed forward with the adoption, or c) if we will drop out of the program in favor of a different international program or even a pursuit of a domestic adoption.

The other thing is, as we were originally promised the Haitian program was getting more stable, we have not experienced this to be the case at all. Haiti, as  a country, seems to have more political unrest all the time and one of my Haitian friends even believes they may be headed toward a civil war. The next few months of waiting will let us also assess the safety of moving forward with this specific adoption path.

As this pregnancy has progressed and I have been able to believe in the viability of this Son Three a little bit more, it has become clear that we need to give him the same love and care we’d like to give any other child we will parent. Bonding time is important, as many of my reader friends have previously suggested, and we are feeling really secure in this decision to put the adoption on hold for now and concentrate on this first child home (Son Three).

12 thoughts on “International Adoption Hold

  1. So much love and respect for you. Must be a tough decision but it sounds like the right one for your family. Xo

  2. Tough decision for sure, but you made the best choice you could and it is important right now to focus on the child that is looking to be a certainty (Son Three). I have no doubts he’s a certainty, but I remember all too well how we in the ALI world don’t bank on ANYTHING being certain. 😉 Anyway, you’re already such a tremendous mother and you’re only going to get better! ❤

    • Son Three is feeling more certain every day so that is so exciting! Believing in him coming home made us get realistic about Haiti and how crazy it is now to keep thinking about flying down there at any moment with hardly any notice and having to accept a referral. This will be right, even though the path forward is not clear. Thank you for all your support!

  3. It sounds like this wasn’t an easy decision, but I think it’s probably the best decision given the circumstances. As you’ve said, nothing is on hold forever and you never know what the future may bring! Right now you’ve got so much to focus on (Son Three! Wahooo!) and you’ll be juggling many different balls at once. To throw the adoption into the mix (not to mention the problems in Haiti and Zika) would be incredibly stressful at a time when you need to stay as calm as possible 🙂 x x x

  4. I’m just catching up on things. I feel like you definitely made the right decision. You and I know there’s a lot more to say on that but I’ll save it for IM! Sending you lots of love and can’t wait to bombard you with photo requests when your little one arrives! X

  5. Guilt is such a pernicious feeling. You have no reason to feel guilt in this decision. You HAVE TO concentrate on the life inside you. It is a blessing that you can postpone the international adoption – in the meantime, some other family will have a shorter waiting time and you can always come back and enrich your family with an internationally adopted addition.

    • I don’t know how I am just seeing this now, but THANK YOU. I agree that guilt is a wasteful emotion. We will see how our family develops, but this was a good decision for us. I really appreciate the support from someone who knows intimately what a grueling process adoption can be!

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