Lighter and Brighter

Having time to process the placenta previa concern, I am feeling so much better. I have heard many reassuring stories from readers and friends, and I am feeling so happy that it seems like this should be one of the things I don’t let myself worry about yet. And, by the time I should start preparing myself to deal with it, the concern likely will have disappeared! How wonderful! So, for now, I am skipping the gym and going on long, lazy walks, enjoying the birds chirping, the sun on my skin, and the warmer air that has just started circulating this area of the globe.

My dog, Hollywood, is wearing funny t-shirts everyday to protect his recent stitches. I think they are hilarious and he seems to enjoy wearing them. I think maybe they make him feel more human (he also loves when I put on his collars which supports that theory), or maybe he just enjoys the laundry smell that reminds him of home. Either way, I have also calmed down about his skin removal and will just have to wait and see what the biopsy results reveal.

Hollywood's tshirt

As a rule, I have noticed that pregnancy makes me calmer.I find myself more at peace and more able to let slights go. I think it may just be because I am so incredibly grateful for this gift of carrying a child. At 22 weeks, everything still looks and feels positive, which allows me to embrace my joy a little bit tighter.

So, even though the pounds on the scale are accumulating awfully fast, I am feeling light and healthy. My being is soaking in the goodness that is all around and growing inside of me, literally! The little guy is kicking all the time; my buddy, Hollywood, is back to himself and as sweet as ever; and I am getting to enjoy a time in marriage that is compassionate, considerate, and thoughtful.

Life is really good right now and that is something worth sharing. So many of us bloggers are writing – or at least started writing – because we had a lot to work through and we felt compelled to use a platform that could connect us to others that might understand our struggles. I hope people that find this blog because of my losses don’t stop reading before they see things turning more positively.

I am sure I have said it before, but I feel like pain and suffering are largely universal emotions, regardless of the actual circumstances that cause these feelings. Through all of my agony, numbness, and loss of hope while dealing with losing children, basically a career, and nearly my dog (my constant companion and source of love), I have somehow traveled to a place where the fog – the drudgery – has lifted and peace has replaced it. Even if you are fighting a different battle today than the ones I’ve described, please try to remember that this is just a season.

Wellness does return to us in many forms. We adjust and integrate our losses (time, opportunity, relationships, you name it), but we can move forward with more wisdom and compassion for others – and, maybe most importantly, ourselves.

8 thoughts on “Lighter and Brighter

  1. This is beautiful my friend. Yes, “Life is really good right now” and that should be celebrated!! You’ve been through so much heartache, so it is absolutely time to enjoy what you have right now! You deserve to be happy and to have a happy ending!!

    • Thank you so much! I think I will just melt if I see another picture of your little boy’s hand or anything else…I am so captivated and exuberant by the fact that your son is home! I am happily (and terrifyingly) anticipating the same sweetness in July! We continue to have somewhat parallel paths so I hope I really do get to follow in your footsteps of motherhood very soon!

  2. I’m so happy for you. You deserve it. Of course everyone deserves joy, but I can’t help thinking some especially deserve it. You have borne everything with grace and I think it couldn’t happen to a nicer person. Plus: Hollywood looks so cute! I hope he heals up really quickly! And lots of hugs (round the bump!) to you! Xx

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