I haven’t been watching the calendar, but I had a reminder today that I could have/would have/should have been 39 weeks pregnant this week. I do not want to write another depressing post! So, I won’t. I refuse. Instead, I am going to write about all of the things I couldn’t have done or wouldn’t have been able to plan and look forward to if I would have been 39 weeks pregnant (you know…steal a little nectar…). Okay, here we go!
1. Wouldn’t be drinking all of that red wine I love. I mean think of it all. Buckets of the stuff, or maybe enough to fill up a bathtub, or a small wading pool. All of those 4 oz glasses times like a million days of pregnancy – what a total win!
2. Wouldn’t have paddle boarded for the first time this season yesterday. Can you imagine me wobbling, trying to balance on my board, not being able to pull my 50 pound pup up for the 102nd time like he needed yesterday after stealing swims out there on this beautiful lake? Yes, this is basically in my backyard. So lucky!
3. There is no way I would have been able to travel this week to comfort a friend after her mom died. It turned out to be such a meaningful, warm, and important visit with her and her family and there is just no way I could have been that far away from my doctor.
4. And that reminds me of ALL of the doctor appointments I’ve avoided in the last 9 months. Oodles of them! I avoided all of those faces that know me because I am the “spontaneous aborter” as it so nicely points out on my medical history. I’ve avoided the anxiety of whether or not I will hear that heartbeat or panic over hcg numbers.
5. I wouldn’t have been able to go to the Masters again – on the final Sunday no less. Here is my grapefruit juice and club soda spritzer that I celebrated with a few days before the event to get in the right mind frame.
6. I wouldn’t be going to Vegas to meet my oldest and most dear sister-friends for a long weekend.
7. I also wouldn’t have planned a Gulf Coast road trip with another girlfriend of mine that always has mischief on her mind and a wide grin on her face. I just giggle dreaming of the memories we will be making!
8. I wouldn’t have gotten that “couples massage” in Palm Springs last December with my friend after clearly requesting two separate massage rooms. I wouldn’t have gotten ridden like a rodeo bull as the masseuse pummeled my butt muscles with her knees and then got called a very large and beautiful lady. (Well, maybe I would have been called large and beautiful during the last nine months but not for the same reasons…this reason being that I am a 5’8″ Caucasian women with a very healthy BMI which also puts me naturally much larger than many other women around the world). I really do have the best massage stories; how could I be holding out on you guys for so long?
9. I wouldn’t have lost those five pounds this month. Okay, so maybe it’s three. And maybe it’s more of a water weight/pre-breakfast versus post-breakfast loss, but you know…it just wouldn’t have happened.
So, life is funny. It’s exciting. It’s lively, even when I am not having a baby next week. I am sure a 10th reason will come to me before my due date arrives uneventfully next week and there is good stuff in that. Dangerously refreshing, isn’t it?
I found this so sad and exciting to read at the same time – a very weird sensation. And I relate to the concept of living without the pregnancy so very well. Yes, it’s amazing that you can do all these fun things – I mean, seriously wine is an amazing creation and travel is always fun and enjoyable. But it’s also sad that you don’t have your baby – I know for me, I’d give up all the wine and travel in the world if it meant I could have had a healthy pregnancy. Love to you my friend.
Thank you for the compassion, sweet friend. Yes, it’s a both very sad and exciting post. I would easily trade everything…but as you know too well, that just isn’t a choice we get sometimes (and sometimes over and over). So for now, cheers to our workouts, cocktails, and beautiful adoption stories!
Yes, our choice to have children the “normal” way is not a real choice, so instead we are both making the choice to a new path to our families. And honestly, I’m loving the freedom and fun that I have back in my life. 🙂
I love this post so much. It sounds like you have been living a very rich and fulfilling life! I wish you had a baby in your arms in one week, but I am glad that you have found meaning, fun and so much love despite that loss. Xo.
I really do have a very rich and fulfilling life! Thank you for noticing! 🙂 It’s hard to find meaning, but it is extremely necessary. That is the purpose of this blog…stealing our sweet moments…and it’s pretty easy to do if I take the time to pause and reflect. I hope you find the same thing in the moments you need a little encouragement!
This post was so great, thank you for sharing it! I love the title of your blog, it’s nice to see another rose colored glasses type out there:) Thanks for the follow, please swing by My Pink Champagne Life anytime!
I stumbled upon your blog and each post I read got better and better…thank you for sharing your writing! I also like the title of your blog…it seems we have many similarities and I can’t wait to read more! Xo
Thank you for saying that, I really appreciate! I think we must have things in common with our blog titles:)
Sunny Side Up – Stealing Nectar