As I approach thirty, I think of all the things I’ve done with my life and those still to come. I’ve fallen in love and have gotten my heart smashed into little pieces. I’ve fallen in love again and married the chips to my salsa, the wind to my kite. I’ve moved halfway across the world and then back home again. I’ve moved across the country – which was unsurprisingly fun – and then I moved across the same state, which I found to be surprisingly much less fun and much more of a culture shock than moving across the country.

I’ve defended not having kids seven years into my marriage. I’ve defended working moms. I’ve defended stay-at-home moms. I’ve cried from the relief of not being pregnant. I’ve tried to get pregnant. I’ve cried because I wasn’t pregnant. I’ve cried in front of those I swore I’d never cry in front of: employers, coaches, hell…a massage therapist (yes, during a massage…aren’t I a treat). Would you believe I actually don’t have a reputation of a crier or someone whom falls apart at a pin’s drop?

Well, the countdown is officially ON. I have less than one month until my 30th birthday. (!) So, of course there are some petty, superficial thoughts bursting through my brain as the crossover approaches. There are also some deep “this will take opening a bottle of wine with my best friend” thoughts. I’ll go from a celebrated, “the world is your oyster” twenty-something to a what-do-you-have-to-show-for-your-life-you-are-not-so-young-anymore thirty-something.

As I’ve said before, I believe in commencement. Even though it would be easy to say this birthday is “just another day” and glide, I prefer to mark the occasion – contemplating it to the finite point where my husband stops listening – and celebrate the tidbits & tribulations, triumphs & tales, of this unique life, my journey on uncharted (preferably seafoam green) waters.

4 thoughts on “Countdown

  1. I know this is an old post but I came across your blog and was curious to know your story. This post sounds so much like how I feel right now. It’s 2 weeks until my 30th birthday and am near tears all the time since September! And I am anything but a crier typically. I had so many ideas on how I saw my life by the time I was 30 but childless and in the midst of adoption was not one of them until recently! It’s good to see your blog continues long after you turned 30! Looking forward to seeing how your journey continues.

    • Oh sweet girl! If you keep reading (as it seems you might have), you will see at the time of this writing, I had no idea what was coming my way!!! It’s been an incredible journey of suffering, growth, and appreciation. I can’t wait to read your blog! I think it is good to have some big challenges by the time we reach 30; it is time for us to open our hearts wide for all the understanding that can come our way. It sounds like you are on a similar path of confusion, sadness, and grabbing joy for your future! Looking forward to reading…thanks for reaching out! xoxo

      • Thanks for responding. I’m slowly catching up on your journey. You’ll notice I’ve essentially disappeared from my blog for the past 2 years when my life was turned upside down by infertility. I recently started drafting some posts and hope to revive it! Thanks again for sharing your journey and following mine 🙂

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